Saul? Or Saul to Paul?
When I read about Saul in the Old Testament, I can’t help but relate to him a bit and this scares me! After all, if you know his fate, he doubted God and ended up committing suicide. It’s a tough thing because I know, personally, I want to give him a break – was he really that bad of a person?
This morning I needed God to show me someone in the Bible who messed up but had hope. Saul is such an anti-climatic story. He messes up and yet there’s no redemption ending. I can’t help but look at people today that take their lives. Is it inevitable? Are certain people just born for destruction? After all, it is easy to wonder this when reading the Bible.
And then I started to think of another Saul in the Bible. This one is in the New Testament. However, as you may know his name was changed from Saul to Paul. Saul, in the beginning of his life, was a devout religious man. In other words, you and I may be able to relate to him if we struggle with OCD. We may be all about the rules. If I just do this… than I can fix that… He thought he was doing God’s service by eradicating the early Church, the followers of Jesus.
As I learn about scrupulosity, I see that it is a very “rules”-enforced version of God. We think we can do things on our own. We think our actions can make us right with God. I think a rules-oriented approach is seen in a lot of denominations today. In one way, it can make us kind of feel like God because we think we are in control of our lives and what happens to us…like our actions can redeem us. How dangerous is this thought! Only. Jesus. Can. Save. Period.
So, then, we have to re-examine our faith. And that’s a scary thing to do but a refreshing one at that. We have to be honest with ourselves. Maybe we’ve been a self-professing Christian for a long time, but our hearts were never fully rendered to the Lord. Maybe we liked people thinking of us as Christians, and feeling superior in a way, but if we really surveyed our inner selves, we see a good person at times but not a surrendered person.
Saul had an incredible encounter with Jesus. He saw that the rules-oriented approach wasn’t right. It wasn’t the right view of God. How different he must have felt going from follow-the-rules-or-you’ll-be-damned approach to the loving grace of Jesus. I want that kind of transformation. And yet, while I have believed in Jesus, I have often turned my back on Him. Why? Because I could never measure up to the rules, so I gave up.
What I’m learning is that there is a born-again quality that we as believers must obtain if we want to be true followers, to experience all the blessings that other Christians seem to have. Often that involves denying ourselves and taking up our cross. Have you ever thought that denying yourself is realizing that there is nothing you can do to save yourself? OCD promises that if you just comply with its practices, you will be free. In the Bible, it states that “the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). And what is the truth? As John 14:6 states, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” It all boils back to Jesus.
For some of us, we need the gospel like we need breath. If we try to go through life without the gospel then it is like we are inflicting harm on ourselves. We simply can’t do it. There’s nothing you or I can do to vindicate ourselves.
So, we can can go through life depending on ourselves (like Saul in the Old Testament)—or we can be the transformed from-Saul-to-Paul version by realizing the grace found in Jesus and His mercy. Which one will you and I be?