My Battle With Flies, My Battle With OCD
I sit right now with flies swarming around my face. They are a nuisance. It is summertime so the flies are out – even though I’m sitting indoors in an otherwise very comfortable setting.
OCD is like these flies. It doesn’t matter how much I swat at them or shake them away, they are still there.
Someone told me some hard truth today: when I was dating (this guy I really liked), I looked like I was on drugs—basically dazed. When I think back to that date, I remember exactly why: I was experiencing extreme OCD that day.
Crazy enough, the guy I really liked was oblivious to it all because we were, at that time, in the “infatuation zone.” Nothing I could have done could really phase him at that time.
During this time, however, I understand why I probably looked like a person with a blank expression—I was just trying to survive. Like these annoying flies that bug me to no end—OCD attacked my mind so much—that I couldn’t swat it. I could only endure it.
I once watched a video about how God might allow intrusive thoughts so that it makes us focus on the present. When you are constantly worried, you begin to live moment by moment and not really have the energy to think clearly.
If God allows OCD, maybe there is a greater lesson to be learned. What if I am supposed to take away the idols in my heart and focus on the ministry needs around me? I used to be afraid: what if I make ministry an idol?
But that is exactly what the devil wants me to think so that, like everything else, I draw back from that too. However, if I’m truly focused on leading others to Christ, how can that be an idol? I guess if I make it about myself, then, yes, perhaps it can become an idol. However, if I truly seek to help others – bring them closer to Christ, see the healing He can do in their lives (like such healing He has done in my own)—there is nothing more rewarding than that!!
Recently, I had the opportunity to help a relative and make a big move. I didn’t want to go—I was just thinking of myself and my needs and I grew more anxious, more depressed. And then, it is as if God has been working on my heart to not think of myself.
It is that still small voice in our hearts. It’s not loud; it’s not demanding; it’s not bothered by time. It is the voice of God. And I am no expert in the voice of God, but in this one instance, I can tell you that I see how God can speak to us.
So here I am…in the midst of great change in my life. But the change needs to not be about me. It needs to be about ministry.
I remember the guy I used to date…we didn’t have a whole lot in common (if I’m honest); however, there was one area that I felt a deep connection with…ministry. He was a children’s pastor, so I got to experience ministry unlike I’ve ever been able to before. And the one thing I loved…even more than him…was the ministry. I loved positively impacting kids’ lives.
SO where does that lead me know? I’m off to ministry, again. Not in a way I expected…going to live with relatives…however, let God receive the glory. How selfish I have been these years in my twenties! Thank God (I do not say this in a profaning way – just so you know since this is online!) I am learning this now because this could be the shift, the game changer to my life.
That’s all for now. I encourage you to meditate on this verse that Gary Thomas focuses on in his book “The Sacred Search: What If It’s Not about Who You Marry, But Why?” He brings up this verse that surpasses even earthly relationships: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).
What is our purpose on earth? To build up the Kingdom of God. May we swat those nasty flies away and remember our true focus.
God bless,
Anonymous Believer
Great video (perhaps a life changer for some out there!): https://youtu.be/G-8UvE4VTWY
{It’s titled: 3 Reasons God Allows Unwanted (Intrusive) Thoughts Into Your Mind}